


eyes like broken christmas lights

by bette (ferns)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Multi, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, i don't even know what this is tbh, i just need more content, kind of, mentions of transphobia, the rating is like a high teen for reasons i'll explain in the author's note
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9602237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferns/pseuds/bette
Summary: Cindy starts coming to visit Earth-1 for the sole purpose of visiting Cisco, and getting coffee as an added bonus.Things escalate from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is like a high T rating because you see the before and after of them having sex but not the actual act itself. there's also discussions of it but it doesn't fit in the M rating. This first chapter is kind of like a semi-series of drabbles that all fit together in order, but the next chapters will be a lot more concrete. I promise.
> 
> I also have no idea where this is going so bear with me.

Cisco doesn’t know when he started meeting Charmer at Jitters, but he’s glad it started happening-of course, it’s mostly a secret, and they never really talk, just sit together while he silently acknowledges that she’s there and she watches him out of the corner of her eye and looks away when he glances up. It’s… A weird arrangement, but she’s not trying to kill him, which is a welcome change of pace. And besides, he could look at her all day. She’s really pretty.

And then she starts breaking into his house.

The first time it happens, she’s sitting on his bed when he gets home from STAR Labs with her legs crossed and her eyebrows raised, arms folded over her chest. Cisco stops and stares at her, confused, and she shrugs before reclining back, cupping her hands behind her head.

“I wanted to come visit,” she says before he can ask what she’s doing. “You’re… Interesting.” She points to the paper cup on his side table with the Jitters logo on it. “And your coffee is good.”

“So you broke into my house?” He can’t quite bring himself to be mad at her. “I mean, I’m not really complaining, but you couldn’t have called first? Or waited outside so I could, like, clean up a little bit?”

“I like your house.” She pats his pillow. “And your bed.”

Cisco blinks. “That’s, uh… Forward of you, I guess?” She rolls her eyes, and Cisco swallows. “...You never told me your name. Your _real_ name, not the name that whoever you’re working for chose for you.” At her surprised look, Cisco continues. “C’mon, nobody _actually_ names their kid ‘Charmer’.”

 _Even if you totally are one,_ he adds silently in his head.

“Cindy,” she says after a long pause. “Cynthia Reynolds, really, but-Cindy. That’s what my friends call me.”

“You have friends?” It comes out a little more incredulously excited than Cisco meant it to, and Cindy gives him a slightly hurt look. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I just-who are they? Are they, uh, Collectors like you? Are they metahumans too? What are their powers?”

HR hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with information on the metahumans on his Earth, and Cisco couldn’t exactly stop himself from wanting to learn more.

“Some of them are metahumans,” Cindy answers, a little bit reluctantly. “Courtney is a Collector like me. J’onn’s not-they used to be, but they aren’t anymore. Carole… Nobody really knows about her, really, but she’s my friend. I think. Montgomery and Waller pretty much run the whole Collecting unit, so they’re not really my friends, but Montgomery kept her promise to help me out with hormones, so…”

“Hormones?” Cisco tilts his head to one side. “How did she help you with that? Are Collectors paid a lot?”

Cindy eyes him for a second. “We get a set bounty for every criminal we bring in. There’s more of them than you’d think-a lot of people are willing to risk the government if it means getting away from our Earth. It’s not exactly paradise.”

“I figured,” Cisco huffs. At Cindy’s look, he elaborates. “I mean, what kind of place allows _trial by combat?”_

Cindy looks down at the bed, her hands clenching in her hair. “It’s not that bad. There are a lot of rights issues, yeah, but I got the hormones I needed without doing any back-alley deals, my dad didn’t immediately kick me out, and I became a Collector with only a few more background checks than normal. There aren’t very many crimes outside of people going from one Earth to another.”

“Which you’ve been doing a _lot_ lately,” Cisco points out. “You come see me, what, every three weeks just to get some coffee? I know the coffee on your Earth was wiped out-lord knows HR never shuts up about it-but it’s way too much of a risk just to get some caffeine. What if you go back and they’re waiting to arrest you? What if you can’t escape? I don’t want to lose my friend.”

She opens her mouth and pauses. One of her eyebrows raises (Cisco needs to get her to teach him how to do that whenever he wants). “Friend?”

Cisco blinks. “Well, _yeah._ Only friends break into other friends houses and sit on their beds. Besides, you’ve been risking arrest and being put to _death_ by your own organization just to come visit me. That sounds a lot like friendship to me. Unless you do things differently over on Earth-19, I’m pretty sure we more than qualify as friends by now.”

“Friends.” She turns it over in her mouth. She looks him dead in the eye. “Punishment for being friends with people from other earths is punishable by death.” Cisco pales and reaches up to stop her, to say that they didn’t have to be friends after all if it was a risk to her life, but she continues. “But… I’m willing to risk it to be friends with you. Cisco.”

Cindy tacks the name on at the end like she’s not sure of it, even though he’s positive she must remember it. He lets it slide.

* * *

“No way.”

Cindy nodded, smiling wider than Cisco had ever seen her smile before at the way his eyes seemed like they were going to pop out of his head. “Yes.”

“No way,” he repeated, pointing down at the picture in Cindy’s hand. “You killed _that?”_

She puffed out her chest. “I did. All by myself, too-Courtney will tell you differently, but that’s because she’s too proud to admit that she forgot the signal for both of us to attack.” She shook her head. “Collectors, we aren’t great at working as a team to take something down. Courtney’s worse at it than most.”

“Still, look at that thing! Look at the beak! Look at all those tentacles!” Cisco waved his hands around. “Seriously, that’s _so cool._ Why were you even tasked with fighting it in the first place?”

Cindy watched his excitement with amusement. “A breach opened above Dakota City, and we got called out there to help. We even got a pair of new agents out of the deal, which was more than worth it for dealing with this thing. It actually wasn’t that hard to take down.”

“But it _looks_ scary, and that’s what counts.” Cisco’s face hurt from smiling so much. It looked _so cool._ “I wish I could tell the rest of STAR Labs about you,” he said softly. “They’d love this.”

Cindy grabbed his wrist. _“No,”_ she said firmly. “It’s bad enough that I’m coming over here to visit you. The more people who know about me over here, the more people that can tell my supervisors and the Earth-19 government that I’m here. I don’t care how good their intentions are, it puts _both_ of us in danger if you tell your friends about me.”

Cisco nodded slowly. “Okay. I would never tell them without your permission, you know that, right?”

Cindy let go of his wrist and shook her head. “You might.”

“I wouldn’t,” Cisco insisted. “I promise.” He hesitated. “Would they kill you for coming over here to see me? Even though you’re a Collector or whatever? You said it was punishable by death, but since you're a Collector, are the rules different?”

Her silence was enough of an answer for him.

* * *

“You never talk about your family,” Cisco noted. “You mentioned your dad a little while ago, the first time you broke into my house-which I still haven’t forgiven you for, by the way-but other than that, you’ve never said anything about them.”

Beside him, Cindy tensed, focusing on the movie. “We don’t have anything like this on our earth, not even something close-”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Cisco said gently. “But I’ve had a lot of family problems before that _I’ve_ had to deal with, so… I’m here to listen, okay?”

Cindy shifted a little closer to him, and there was a long moment of silence before she spoke. “I hope Rey kicks this white boy’s whiny ass.”

Cisco squeezed her hand.

* * *

Cisco wasn’t really sure how it happened, exactly. They’d nonverbally mutually agreed that they were going to take things semi-slowly.

‘Slow’ went out the window when Cisco came back from a patrol, sweaty and elated and filled with adrenaline from taking down a metahuman on his own while Wally evacuated the area. He hadn’t exactly been expecting Cindy to be waiting for him-he’d assumed that she left after he got called away to deal with the meta on the loose-but there she was.

She kissed him hard as soon as he walked in the door, pushing him up against the wall before pulling back. “This okay?”

Cisco nodded, breathless. “More than okay,” he whispered, and pulled her in for more. “Definitely more than okay.”

Cindy’s fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him down to press their lips together. Cisco’s fingers bunched in her hair in return, catching at the curls as she used his vest to get more leverage over him and pull him down even more. Cisco moaned a little into her mouth, and Cindy laughed a tiny bit as she pressed him harder against the wall, tracing her lips down his neck as her fingers fumbled for his belt.

Cisco stiffened and she stopped. “I won’t-”

“S’okay,” he promised. “Just-I know you’re trans too, but- _oh!”_

Cindy snickered and crooked her fingers, wiggling them against Cisco’s chest. “Vibrations, remember? You can do it too, you know?”

“You gotta show me how sometime,” Cisco said, arching his back against the wall. “This is ridiculous, I-”

Cindy huffed at his expression and kissed him again. “I told you,” she reminded him, “you talk too much.”

* * *

“Holy shit,” Cisco said softly, looking up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Cindy lifted her head up off of his chest a tiny bit and made a confused sound. “I just-that was-wow. Thank you. Wow.”

She laughed a little, the vibration tickling his chest. “You’re welcome. Maybe next time I can show you some more of what I’ve got.”

Cisco shivered a little bit at the thought of it. “Jeez. How much practice have you had?” He said teasingly. “It must’ve been a lot.”

Cindy kissed his neck, crawling up higher on the bed. “I wouldn’t say a _lot._ My ex-girlfriend, Mari, really liked the vibrations, and since you and I have such similar powers I figured it would affect you the same way. I decided to give it a test run.”

Cisco gave her a kiss. “I’m glad you did.” He paused. “Does this mean we’re dating? Or are we just… Friends who cross dimensional barriers to see each other and sometimes have sex?”

“I’ve wanted to date you since I first saw you,” Cindy laughed. “And from what you said when you first met me, I’m pretty sure that you feel the same way.” She hesitated. “But if you don’t, that’s totally fine. I didn’t mean to assume, I just-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” Cisco interrupted. “I totally want to date you.” His stomach felt like it was exploding with butterflies. “You’re not usually this… Insecure, I guess. Is something wrong?”

Cindy didn’t answer, and the silence stretched out longer. “I haven’t actually dated anybody in five years. Mari was pretty much the only person I ever really dated before that, and it’s my fault that we broke up, anyways. We met a little bit after I started transitioning, and she didn’t know I was training to be a Collector. Her mom got taken down by them on accident a few years before we started dating, and she’s hated them ever since. I didn’t want to tell her in case it ruined things, but…”

“That really sucks,” Cisco sighed. He didn’t really know what else to say. It just _sucked._ Scrambling to find a subject change, Cisco said the first thing that popped into his head, which just so happened to be, “So, uh, feel free to yell at me if this is a weird topic change and I know this is probably none of my business at all, but… I noticed that you had a little scar on your hip? That little numbers. Do all Collectors have those?”

Cindy tensed and Cisco rushed to try to fix the situation.

“Sorry, I know that’s really forward, but I’ve been curious and-sorry, I really am sorry, but I don’t usually have a filter after sex, especially not sex as completely mind blowing as that, I don’t blame you for wanting to leave or for wanting to hit me or something-” Cisco’s heart pounded against his ribs. “You don’t have to say anything, I just said the first thing that popped into my head which turned out to be _wildly_ inappropriate-”

“Breathe,” Cindy interrupted. She took a deep breath. “I don’t mind you asking, but only if I get to ask questions about _your_ Earth. I want to know more."

Cindy realized with a start that that really was true. She actually did want to learn more about this Earth, with its strange people who somehow managed to tolerate HR Wells, with its coffee, its compelling movies, with its superheroes, with its lack of Collectors.

With its _Cisco._

“Deal,” Cisco said immediately. He cuddled up against her. “I’m still really sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Not to me,” Cindy promised. She kissed his ear. “All Collectors have that number, but I have two because-well, while the Collectors are pretty diverse… I was the first Rromani member in years. And the second trans member _ever._ Most people don’t even count J’onn, since they’re a shapeshifter and there are rumors that they’re an alien, so…” She swallowed. “It’s hard to get hormones, and even though Claire felt bad for me, I had to jump through a lot of not-always-legal hoops to get the paperwork so she could even put the right gender down in my files. The two numbers mean I’m a double anomaly. The alien members have the same numbers I do.”

“That sucks,” Cisco sighed. “So you get lumped in with the people from other planets just because you’re trans and not white?” At Cindy’s not, he growled a little. “Earth-19 is _way_ more racist than HR lets us believe, even if every other word out of his mouth offends me on a personal level.”

“Being Rromani isn’t as much of a problem as being a girl is,” Cindy admitted. “Sure it’s-hard, yeah, but people are more likely to yell at me in the street for being trans than they are because I'm brown.”

Cisco squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry. I’d already legally changed my name on my birth certificate by the time I came to work at STAR Labs, and Dr. Wells-or at least the person we thought was Wells-was more than willing to accommodate me. He-he helped me pay for hormones and then he pretty much paid for my top surgery all by himself. I-I know he would’ve helped pay for Ronnie’s stuff too, but she came out to the rest of us other than Caitlin the day that we set off the particle accelerator.” He paused. “Was there a particle accelerator explosion on your earth, too? HR hasn’t said anything about that as far as I can remember.”

“There was one long before I was born,” she answered. Cisco looked at her and opened his mouth, but she answered his question before he could say it. “It’s not how I got my powers. I got mine because of a breach. It happened-it happened a long time ago, but it killed my dad and it gave me powers.”

“I know it doesn’t help,” Cisco murmured after a long moment of silence (he felt so weird and awkward and every part of him was screaming that he was embarrassing himself, that this was going to make Cindy hate him even more than she already did), “but I’m sorry about your dad. When I was thirteen, my big brother died-right in front of me. Every time I think I might be finally be over it, something happens and I just-I just _remember_ it all over again. So-so if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Cindy blew a strand of hair out of her face and looked at Cisco with wondrous eyes. “I’ve never met anybody like you, Cisco.”

Cisco flushed. “I’m not _that_ special,” he muttered. “Pretty average, actually.”

“If that’s really what you think about yourself, then you’re wrong,” Cindy told him firmly, cuddling up under his chin. He could feel her breath tickling his neck and resisted the urge to squirm-he’d always been ticklish. “I promise. You’re wrong.”

* * *

“Cheers.” Cisco bumped his coffee cup against Cindy’s. “Happy three week anniversary, babe.”

Cindy tilted her head and looked down at her coffee cup before smiling. “On my earth, we don’t celebrate weekly anniversaries. We don’t really celebrate any anniversaries at all.”

“Really?” Cisco frowned. “That sucks. A lot of people here don’t celebrate little anniversaries like I do, but most people celebrate the big ones. Like how long you’ve been married or if you’ve been dating someone for a year.”

Cindy smiled wider and leaned over the table to give Cisco a kiss. “I like your way better.”

He pulled away and said, “I like my way better, too.”

Her lips tasted like coffee.

* * *

“That was even better than the first-” Cisco tried to do some quick mental math, but his brain was still fuzzy and shooting off fireworks and it was a wonder that he was still able to say anything that _wasn’t_ Cindy’s name. “Than the first bunch of times we did it.”

Cindy pressed against him, rolling over to perch on top of him and straddle his hips. They were both wearing underwear (Cisco was in boxers that were admittedly too big for his hips and Cindy was in purple underwear and a blue bra-Cisco liked this one because it let him kiss the stretch marks where Cindy’s breasts had grown in), but that was as far as they had gotten before getting too tired to continue. “I’m glad. I had to practice my vibrations just for you.”

“Aww, babe,” Cisco cooed, wiggling so he could sit up and kiss her before flopping back down onto the bed. “I should probably get up and go to work soon,” he said reluctantly. “Caitlin will think that something’s wrong if I don’t call and say that I’m sick or something, and if I say I’m sick then she’ll come over here to check on me.”

Cindy kissed his nose. “Fine. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Cisco groaned and stood up as she jumped off of him, rolling over onto her back and pushing herself up as she watched him get dressed. Cisco paused with one pant leg on.

“You haven’t been going back to Earth-19 lately,” he mused, looking at Cindy out of the corner of his eye and frowning a little as he saw her tense. Sliding his pants on the rest of the way, he asked, “Is something wrong?”

She looked down at her hands. “No.” It was clearly a lie, and Cisco almost pushed her for the answer before she looked up. “Go to STAR Labs, Cisco. I’ll-I’ll tell you later, I promise.”

He pulled a shirt on and sat down next to her on the bed. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Even if it’s weird or you think I don’t want to hear it, I promise, I’ll listen.”

Cindy chewed her lip. For a moment Cisco thought she was going to tell him what was wrong, but instead she just gave him a kiss. “Go to work. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Shaking off his misgivings, Cisco left for STAR Labs-he’d pick up some coffee on the way for breakfast.

When he got home, irritated with Barry for messing with his stuff on accident and proud of Wally for a good speedster sparring session (he’d probably beat Barry within the month at this rate), Cindy wasn’t there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two goobers are doofuses who both think the other one is too good for them.
> 
> (There's a major abdomen injury in this chapter, just a forewarning!)

“Hey, babe,” Cisco said into the phone for what felt like the hundredth time. “I-I know you’re probably off on a mission right now, Collecting someone, but call me back as soon as you can, okay? I’m worried about you. Love you.”

He hung up and closed his eyes. Cindy had been missing for two weeks now, without a single call or even a note. She usually left notes before she left, letting him know that she was gone. That she was off doing her job and hoping that nobody got too suspicious of her. But this time there hadn’t been a note or a message or a returned call or  _ anything  _ to tell Cisco where Cindy had gone. If she was even still alive.

Cisco told himself not to think like that. Cindy had  _ never  _ lost a fight before, except to him, and she had totally been letting him win (she hadn’t even needed to tell him that-he’d figured it out as soon as she had left to go back to Earth-19 the  _ first  _ time, after their battle for HR’s life). She had to have been okay. No matter who she was Collecting, Cisco had total faith in her.

But then… But then why hadn’t she called?

Insecurity nibbled at Cisco’s stomach. Maybe she had decided that he wasn’t worth her time. Maybe she had come to her senses and realized that a metahuman with powers that he couldn’t even control properly wasn’t nearly good enough for someone like her. She must have decided to let him off easily and just leave him forever instead of actually breaking up with him.

_ No,  _ Cisco told himself firmly,  _ don’t think like that. _

Cindy loved him, she said that she did, and she had sounded honest. And Cisco loved her. He was certain of it. Every time he looked at her it was like there were a hundred butterflies fluttering in his stomach, swarming through his chest and making him feel like he’d just swallowed liquid sunshine.

Hell, Cisco had told her about  _ Eobard,  _ about how he had pretended to be Wells, about how he had abused their trust and  _ killed  _ him in another timeline. One that he could still remember. Cisco had told Cindy that after a nightmare about vibrating hands slicing into his heart, one where he woke up crying and gasping beside her before she wrapped her arms around him and purred him back to sleep.

She wouldn’t have just left without saying goodbye, would she?

* * *

Cindy closed her eyes as her phone (which Cisco had modified so he could call her across Earths) rang for the hundredth time. She knew full well that it had to be Cisco who was calling her, but she didn’t know how to answer. She didn’t know what she was going to say if she picked up the phone.

And she  _ would  _ have to pick it up eventually.

But how could she tell her boyfriend, her  _ Cisco,  _ that she couldn’t come back to his Earth? That her supervisors were onto her, and if she ever went back to see him then she would never be able to come home? How could she tell him that she was going to leave him behind for the sake of her job, her found family in the Collectors, for everything that she had ever known and loved? All to save his life?

Cindy had never wanted this to happen. She wasn’t supposed to actually fall in love with Cisco. True, maybe she had been intrigued from the minute she first saw him, but-she hadn’t meant to fall in love with him as hard as she had. Cindy hadn’t meant to keep visiting him, to start loving his Earth as much as she loved her own. Wasn’t this how wars started in all of those romantic tragedies? Two lovers from different factions who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other long enough to realize that they were in danger?

No. She couldn’t let this go on. If she went back to Earth-1 to see Cisco, then the rest of the Collectors would follow and execute her. That wasn’t the problem-Cindy knew that she probably deserved to die for her crimes, even if she had just been following orders. She’d killed so many people that sometimes she was afraid that she’d lose count of the bodies.

The problem was that they would kill Cisco, too.

Waller had left a message for her. Short and to the point, telling her that they knew what she had done, what she was doing. Not that they knew  _ why,  _ luckily, so they couldn’t kill Cisco for no reason. Just that if she ever went back to Earth-1 again for any reason outside of an assignment, she would be killed, and so would the reason for her visits.

Cindy couldn’t let that happen. Not to her Cisco.

Cindy buried her face in her hands and took a deep breath. She was Cindy Reynolds, daughter of Quell Reynolds, and that meant that she was  _ not  _ going to cry. She couldn’t cry. If she cried, all of her resolve was going to crumble, and she was going to open a breach to Earth-1 right then and there just to see Cisco and make sure that he was okay. To tell him that she loved him and she didn’t want to break up with him, really she didn’t, but if they kept seeing each other-

She couldn’t let him die. Not Cisco, not her Cisco. She couldn’t let that happen. He was the first person she’d truly loved and had romantic feelings for in a long, long time. Cindy couldn’t let the Collectors kill him.

Which meant that she would never be able to see him again.

* * *

Three weeks.

Three weeks since Cisco had seen Cindy, three weeks since she’d left. He’d managed to vibe her a few times, but not where she presently was-just things that she had done in the past, things that she had told him about (and a few mundane things that she hadn’t, but he could still tell it was her by the way her body moved and the curve of her back and hips, even if it  _ was  _ before she had started transitioning). Nothing to tell him where she was.

Nothing to tell him if she was even still alive. If something had happened to hurt her, kill her. If a Collecting job had gone wrong, or if her bosses had realized that she was coming to visit him and decided to take care of her for good.

Cisco didn’t know if he would be able to live with himself if it turned out that he had been responsible for his girlfriend’s death. If it turned out to be his fault that she had been killed. If they had executed her all because she had been coming to visit him, coming to see him and go on coffee and movie dates with him and sleep in his bed and comfort him after nightmares (he did the same for her) and kiss him slow and sweet while letting vibrations trace their way up and down his spine.

If it was his fault Cindy was dead, Cisco realized that he wouldn’t ever be able to forgive himself.

Mentally, Cisco tried to reassure himself that he had no proof she was dead. For all he knew she had just come to her senses and realized that there were plenty of people out there better for her. More worthy. People who could keep up with her. People who were more powerful, more wealthy, more… More of everything that Cisco  _ wasn’t. _

The contradictory part of his brain argued that he didn’t have any proof that she was alive, either.

* * *

Cindy stumbled, hand bracing against a tree as her other hand pressed against her stomach. Blood leaked through her fingers, dripping onto the bed of dead dry leaves underneath her. Fuck, fuck, this was such a mistake. She should have known better than to take any jobs while she was distracted by Cisco, by thinking about how much she missed him (and at the same time, how much she  _ couldn’t  _ miss him, how much trouble they would both be in if she missed him).

This had been a terrible idea from the start, and then the native hyper-fauna had attacked.

A rare species of cat (one that hunted in packs) that was found only in this dimension or potentially in others that had yet to be fully explored had attacked her after she took down her mark-Waller had given her express permission to use lethal force on this one, and she had needed a way to work out her aggression in a relatively productive way anyways.

But Cindy was off her game and she knew it, and the cat had gotten in one lucky slash across her abdomen before she had managed to slam a blast into its head and send it tumbling ears over paws away where she promptly ended its life with another blast that stopped its heart.

Stupid, stupid, she shouldn’t have-she shouldn’t have done that. The wound was making her dizzy, and while Cindy had actually sustained much worse injuries at the hands/talons/feet/tails/weapons of plenty of her targets and opponents before, that didn’t make it any easier to get hurt this badly on a job. Fuck, fuck, fuck. She needed to get back to Earth-19 and then she needed to get to a medbay as soon as she could.

But Cindy didn’t know if she could afford to expend that much energy to open a portal. Despite the front she put on, portals were the hardest part of having her powers, and using them often made her crash hard at the end of the day.

(Cisco was the same way, she remembered. They’d bonded over it. He’d hold her during crashes, letting her sleep against him and holding out ramen and cookies for her to eat when she woke up afterwards, always hungry and thirsty and irritable. She did the same thing for him, stroking his hair while he slept and whispering compliments in his ear that he was too far into dreamland to hear and comprehend.)

No, no, don’t think like that. All Cindy had to do was open a portal to her home earth, and then they would treat her, and then she would be sent off on job after job after job, and she wouldn’t ever have to even  _ think  _ about Cisco ever again.

She wouldn’t have to think about Cisco’s soft skin and shiny hair, wouldn’t have to think about his warm eyes and the sound of his voice when he laughed and the way he moaned when she kissed down from the dip of his collarbone to his bellybutton, right between the scars on his chest. The way that he gasped when she kissed him just right. How he always squeezed her hand just tight enough during the best part of the movies he showed her. The way he whispered her name like-like she was  _ worthy  _ of being spoken to like that, like she was the best thing he’d ever seen.

She wasn’t, she knew that. There would be other girls and boys for him, prettier and more handsome and more achingly, soul-rendering-ly  _ good  _ the way that Cisco was. There would be other, more perfect people for him to spend his time on. To take on coffee dates and have sweet, slow sex with and spar with and watch movies with. People who would be far more worth his time than a Collector from an earth that would  _ never  _ allow them to be together.

There would be others for her Cisco.

Cindy laughed to herself as blood stained her teeth red-pink, wondering idly when she had stopped caring about her own life. She couldn’t exactly place it-sometime after she had met Cisco, that was for sure, but… She didn’t know when. Maybe it was when she realized that for all of her acclaim throughout the dimensions that she had been to, all of it was because of her kills. Because of her  _ Collections.  _ Or maybe it had happened in the afterglow after that first time, when she realized that Cisco actually thought she was worthy of him.

Fuck, she needed medical attention  _ badly.  _ This blood loss was messing with her head. 

Bracing herself for the crash, Cindy raised a glowing fist and opened a portal in front of her, stepping through it and tumbling out on the other side with absolutely  _ none  _ of the grace that she usually possessed. She closed her eyes as she heard an alarm sound-the one that meant there was a wounded Collector on the premises, which would instantly become their top priority.

Maybe, if she was unlucky enough, they would even manage to save her life.

* * *

Cindy woke up with a pillow underneath her head, wrapped in blankets with a bandage around her midriff. She’d been in the medbay enough times to know that it was where she was before she had even had time to open her eyes.

“Hey,” someone said softly, and Cindy groaned as she opened her eyes. Courtney smiled down at her and bumped her knuckles against Cindy’s still fist. “Wake-y wake-y, Sleeping Beauty,” she teased. “Another successful Collection for the Charmer.”

“It’s too early for this,” Cindy complained, smiling a little at her friend. “And you don’t get to tease me about my codename,  _ Stargirl.” _

Courtney rolled her eyes, brushing her long blond hair out of her face with one hand. “What? It makes me feel better about my lousy one.” She paused and looked down at Cindy, chewing on her perfectly glossed lower lip nervously. “The boss wants to see you.”

“Montgomery or Waller?” Cindy asked, already dreading the answer.

“Waller,” Courtney sighed as she confirmed Cindy’s fears. “She wants to talk to you about that one dimension you went to-Earth-1, she called it. The one where you were sent to kill HR Wells.”

Cindy swallowed down a lump in her throat that felt like a rock. “Yeah, I remember it. That was an interesting Collecting job.”

“Seems like it must’ve been, if the Wall wants to talk to you about it.” Courtney squeezed Cindy’s hand and then stood up to leave. “I’ll catch up with you after your… Talk with Waller.”

“Agent Reynolds,” Waller greeted as she stepped into the room, which was cordoned off from the rest of the medbay the way that all of the rooms used to treat Collectors were. “How’s the injury?”

Cindy tried to push herself up into a sitting position and give a weak salute. “Feeling better than it did. Still hurts a little.”

“I’m not surprised. You took quite a hit.” Waller peered down at her, and Cindy felt like a bug under a microscope. “It’s been twenty-three hours since you arrived back here, Charmer. You’ve been asleep for quite some time.”

“I’m sorry,” Cindy apologized. “I had to make sure that the creature that delivered the wound was really dead before I came back.” Cindy realized what it was that she had forgotten and rushed to fix her error. “The target was neutralized using lethal force, Ma’am.”

“Good.” Waller narrowed her eyes. “I supervised your recovery, Agent. You talk in your sleep. And I learned some very, very interesting things.”

Cindy stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I-I know that I talk in my sleep, Ma’am, I have since I was a kid, but… What did you learn?”

Waller walked forward until she was practically on top of Cindy, standing next to the bed with her hands behind her back. “Who is Cisco?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of death in this chapter. Also Cisco has just...the lowest self esteem.

“Nobody,” Cindy answered immediately, training her face to be stony and blank. “I’ve never met anybody with that name.”

“Your heartbeat says otherwise,” Waller said flatly, nodding to the heart monitor beside Cindy’s bed. Cindy would’ve sworn under her breath if she hadn’t thought that it would make everything worse. Hadn’t  _ known  _ that it would make everything worse. “And you mentioned the name  _ quite  _ often in your dreams.”

Cindy swallowed thickly. “I don’t know why. I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody name Cisco.”

Oh, god, she was going to be in  _ so  _ much trouble. Lying to any supervisor was bad. Lying to  _ Amanda Waller  _ might as well have been a death sentence.

“I know you’re lying,” Waller sighed. “That’s a shame. You’re one of our best agents. Cisco wouldn’t happen to be the name of the reason for your little excursions to Earth-1, would it?”

“No,” Cindy lied. She was going to be in so much trouble. Waller was going to kill her. And she hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye to her-to her Cisco. “It’s not.”

Waller slapped her hard across the face and Cindy winced as the force sent a twinge of pain through her abdomen. “Tell the truth, Agent Reynolds.”

Cindy’s resolve left her. She was brave and she knew it, but… But  _ nobody  _ could stand up to Waller. Especially not to an angry Waller. “Please don’t hurt him,” she whispered softly, closing her eyes against the wave of nausea that washed over her at the thought of Waller knowing where Cisco was, knowing  _ who  _ he was, finding him and hurting him. “Please. I was the one who broke the law, Ma’am. Not him.”

Waller narrowed her eyes. That was another thing that was terrifying about Waller’s anger. She wasn’t the kind of person to yell or get angry in a loud way. Her fury was calm, composed, and bloodchilling. “Did he know who you were, Agent Reynolds? That you were from this earth?”

Cindy knew better than to lie. She was going to throw up, she was going to be sick,  _ Waller was going to hurt  _ her  _ Cisco Ramon- _ “Yes, Ma’am. He did. He-he tried to talk me out of it. He didn’t want me to get hurt. But I continued to break the law.”

Waller shook her head. “You know the punishment for breaking our most sacred law, Agent Reynolds. You’ve upheld it for long enough.”

Cindy clenched her hands on the sheets of the medbay bed. “I know.”

Her vision blurred with tears as she lowered her gaze. Cindy heard Waller leave the room, closing her eyes tightly as she heard her tell Courtney (who was waiting outside the room) not to let Cindy leave. Cindy wasn’t at all surprised.

She wondered when her execution would be scheduled for.

* * *

It was official.

Cisco was ready to open a portal to Earth-19  _ himself  _ just to find out what was going on with Cindy. While he was 90% sure that she had dumped him (and why  _ wouldn’t  _ she? Cisco had already thought of a thousand and one reasons for her to do just that), he still wanted some form of closure. Or maybe that was just how they did it on Earth-19. Maybe everyone broke up with each other but just up and leaving when they were done.

Cisco buried his face in his hands. His chest felt tight and too anxiously hot, with a similar sick-sick-sick anxious feeling in his chest to the one that he got every time someone moved to touch their hands to the spot on his chest over his heart. Half of him was telling him that Cindy was right to leave him, right to find someone else who would be more worth her time. The rest of him, the horribly selfish part of him, argued that Cindy had said she loved him, had whispered it into his ear while he moaned into her neck.

It was hard to lie while you were having sex, Cisco had found. Or at least it was most of the time. Maybe all Collectors were trained to lie under duress like that. Somehow. Maybe it was a designated part of their training.

Cisco told himself to shut up and stop thinking about Cindy so much. He wasn’t a lovestruck teenager with his first boyfriend anymore, he was a grown adult who could have a life after (maybe?) breaking up with his girlfriend. He needed to stop thinking about this. Stop thinking about Cindy in general.

Stop thinking about her long curly hair, about the warm brown of her skin, the way her smile was ever-so-slightly crooked, how her eyes gleamed when she told a joke that only someone who came from Earth-19 would understand, the smattering of dark freckles on her face, the arch of her cheekbones, the width of her shoulders that was part of the reason why Cisco was so attracted to her (he’d always had a thing for women and men who would pick him up with one arm if they wanted to), the warmth of her lips after she’d just drunk some coffee, the sound of her laughing-

_ No,  _ Cisco scolded himself.  _ That’s the  _ opposite  _ of not thinking about her! _

He hated this. It had been okay that she had been all he had been able to think about before, while they were dating and even sometimes before that; when he was alone and letting his thoughts drift they had always seemed to land on the mysterious Collector from Earth-19 with a smile that could cut diamonds and powers so eerily similar to his own. And once they were dating, it hadn’t stopped. Cisco would find himself dreaming about dates and nights together and showing her things on Earth-1 while beside him Cindy would mumble in her sleep and roll over to cling to him.

But even then, he had always managed to distract himself by tinkering with some new project or talking to Caitlin about how Wally was doing or-or-or  _ anything,  _ really. Cisco had still been able to stop having her at the forefront of his mind. And now that they had finally (potentially) broken up…

She was the only thing on his mind.

A cup of Jitters coffee was slammed down on the table in front of him, and Cisco jumped as his heart momentarily filled with hope. But instead of Cindy, Caitlin was the one standing there, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“Spill, Cisco,” she said, sitting down heavily across from him. “You’ve got that look on your face like you did after Kendra left. What happened?”

Cisco looked at the cup of coffee and then back up at her. “Is this a bribe, Cait?”   


“It doesn’t matter what it is,” she dismissed, waving her hand. “What matters is that you’re my friend and you’re clearly dealing with something. And, because I’m your friend, I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”

Cisco lowered his gaze and glared at the tabletop. “Nothing.”

“I’ve known you long enough to be able to tell when you’re lying,” Caitlin huffed. “There’s something wrong, and you won’t tell me what it is.”

Cisco closed his eyes and gave in. He didn’t care  _ what  _ Cindy had said before she had left about telling other people-he needed to talk to someone, and Caitlin had been his best friend for years. “I-I was… Seeing someone. And a few weeks ago she just-she just  _ left,  _ like she’d never even been interested in me. But she was, I know she was, and I don’t know why. She was  _ way  _ too good for me, trust me on this one. And… And I have this feeling inside me like-like something’s really, really wrong, and I don’t know why. I’m worried about her.”

Caitlin frowned. She wasn’t going to lie, she felt more than a little hurt that Cisco hadn’t told her that he was dating someone. Especially since, judging by the tone of Cisco’s voice, they had clearly been pretty serious with each other. “Was she anybody I’d met?”

Cisco winced. “Do you remember Charmer? Gorgeous, powerful bombshell with vibe powers like mine who came to Earth-1 to bring HR back to his home earth to be executed?”

Caitlin openly gaped at him. “Cisco, you didn’t.”

“I did,” he admitted, semi-sheepishly. “Listen, you  _ saw  _ her, right? You may be demi as hell, but you’re still a lesbian with eyes! She is- _ was- _ the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen!”

Caitlin rolled her eyes. “So what? Charmer was one of the  _ bad guys.  _ She was trying to kill HR! Just because I personally find him repulsive doesn’t mean that he deserved to  _ die.  _ Charmer is a killer, Cisco.”

“Cindy was just trying to uphold the law!” Cisco argued, standing up and leaning toward Caitlin as he braced his hands on the desk. “By Earth-19 standards, HR was a criminal! She didn’t know what HR was doing over here outside of writing his novel! For all she knew, he was giving us information to plan another invasion of her earth!” His voice cracked. “Cindy was just trying to do her job, Cait.”

Caitlin reached out and squeezed Cisco’s shoulder. “Breathe. I didn’t mean to insult… Cindy?” When Cisco nodded, Caitlin continued. “I just meant that she’s one of the bad guys-she may have thought she was doing the right thing by following the orders of whoever her boss is, but she still came over here to kill one of our, uh, acquaintances.”

Cisco snorted a little and sat down heavily in his chair. “You don’t know her like I do, Caitlin. She’s-she’s been helping me with my powers. She’s way too good for me, but-she’s been helping me. And she’s just so  _ sweet  _ once you get to know her.” He smiled a little wistfully. “Not that she can’t still kick my ass in two seconds when we spar.”

“You really care about her, don’t you?” Caitlin said softly. She hesitated. “Tell me about her. What do you like the most about, ah, Cindy?”

“I can’t just pick  _ one  _ thing,” Cisco sighed as he closed his eyes. “She’s just so  _ good.  _ Cindy… Cindy  _ gets  _ it, she gets what it’s like to be this powerful but scared of your own power. I told you that she was helping me-when she helps me, it’s like everything else just fades away. Just us and the multiverse and all those vibrations. It’s amazing.”

“So that’s your favorite thing about her?” Caitlin furrowed her eyebrows. “Because that doesn’t sound like something you like about  _ her,  _ exactly-”

“No, no,” Cisco said hastily. “I told you, I can’t just pick one thing. She’s so soft and so hard at the same time, and she’s so gentle, and she’s so-so-I don’t even know how to describe it. Cindy’s just  _ Cindy.  _ She kisses so  _ well,  _ Caitlin. I know you don’t wanna hear about my sex life, but she’s so  _ good,  _ Cait. I’ve been showing her Earth-1 movies, and she’s so smart and clever and I love her so  _ much,  _ Cait-”

“Cisco,” Caitlin interrupted, squeezing his hand, “deep breaths.”

Cisco swallowed and slumped in his seat. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if it turns out she’s hurt,” he admitted. “And-and I don’t want to believe that she’d just leave me without saying goodbye or telling me why. But-but I guess-I guess she just never really cared about me.”

Caitlin moved and pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back as he choked back tears.

* * *

Something inside of Cindy had always known that this was coming.

That didn’t make staring down at her last will and testament any easier for her to bear.

Waller had informed her that her execution was scheduled for next week, and that Michael would inform any remaining family members about what was going to happen in case they wanted to visit her before she died. Cindy had dismissed that-Michael could look around all he wanted, but he wasn’t going to find anybody. The only person was her stepmom, and Cindy  _ refused  _ to let Michael let her know what was going to happen.

Michael hadn’t taken much convincing after Cindy asked him not to-he was a sweetheart, really, and she’d known him for years-hell, she’d been at his wedding!-which meant that he knew enough about her stepmother to assure her that he knew not to talk to her.

Cindy wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her forehead on her knees.

She wanted Cisco.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard to write for some reason but it ends really dramatically.
> 
> Also _how about that kiss,_ you guys.

Cisco landed on the other side of the breach, slipping his goggles into his pocket and taking a deep breath. Caitlin and Barry were waiting on the other side of the breach back at home, although Barry hadn’t exactly been sure what he was doing there. He’d offered to come anyways-so had Caitlin. Cisco had declined.

He needed to do this alone. He needed to know if Cindy  _ really  _ didn’t care about him, or if she did and she was in some kind of trouble. Collectors could cross worlds, but from what Cindy had said, the punishment for ‘fraternizing with the enemy’ was just as harsh for them as it would be for any normal civilian.

Cisco brushed his hair out of his face, fiddling with his sleeve as he untied his black raincoat from around his waist and put it on, pulling the hood up over his head. The last thing he needed was to be seen by anybody who knew his doppelganger, and the raincoat covered his costume fairly nicely. (What? If he was going to potentially be the badass saving his girlfriend from her boss (or, more likely, the badass demanding an apology from his girlfriend for leaving him without a goodbye or an explanation), he needed to look the part, dammit!)

He was expecting resistance at some point. Interdimensional travel was illegal here if it wasn’t sanctioned by Cindy’s bosses, which meant that Cisco honestly would’ve been a little disappointed if they didn’t put up a fight to stop him from seeing Cindy.

What Cisco  _ wasn’t  _ expecting, however, was to be ambushed as soon as he took a step forward.

Someone slammed into him from behind, rolling him over with practiced grace and ease. Cisco fought back, of course he did, but his combat training was fairly limited to what Cindy had taught him and to scrapes he got into fighting for himself against whoever decided to disrespect him this time. Sure, he’d kicked Hartley Rathaway’s ass that one time, but the fact that he was going up against a trained fighter meant that fingers got tangled in his long hair and his head was pressed down into the dirt.

“Concede,” a feminine voice said from above him, stern and angry, “and you’ll get a trial. Fight back, and I’ll be forced to execute you now. It’s your choice.”

“I-” Cisco swallowed. Fuck. “I don’t want any trouble. I promise. I’m here for-someone from your earth. Please. That’s all. I’m not going to hurt anyone, I swear.”

“There are over five billion people on this earth,” the person said coldly. “You’ll have to be more specific when you say you’re looking for someone.”

“Charmer,” Cisco gasped out. “I’m looking for Charmer. She came to my earth to hunt down a fugitive and kill him and I’ve been in love with her ever since, please-I want to see her again, please. Even if it’s just one more time.”

Cisco prayed they bought his ruse, closing his eyes as the weight on his back shifted somewhat. “...Charmer? You’re here because you’re looking for Cindy?”

Cisco swallowed and lied again. “I didn’t know her real name, we only met once. But her codename was Charmer. Please, I just want to see her again.”

“You’re lying.” Cisco stiffened and opened his mouth against the dirt to try to plead his case and maybe lie some more, but the person-Collector?-continued talking. “You’re the person she was talking about in her sleep. Cisco.” The weight on Cisco’s back lessened some. “You’re the one she’s in love with, aren’t you?”

Cisco could have started crying. Cindy  _ hadn’t  _ just up and left him, then-if this person thought that she was in love with him… Then maybe… Maybe Cindy hadn’t just decided that he wasn’t worth it. 

…But that meant that something was wrong. That meant that Cindy had been found out. That her supervisors knew that she had been coming to Earth-1 to visit Cisco, that they had been-still were? Cisco hoped so-together, that she had been  _ committing a crime- _

“Is she okay?” Cisco asked, struggling underneath his captor and trying to escape in earnest now. “Is she hurt? I need to-are her bosses going to execute her for-for being with me?”

The person jumped off of Cisco’s back and grabbed his upper arm, hauling him up to his feet. “You’re in luck. Her execution is scheduled for tonight.”

Cisco got his first good look at his attacker and sucked air in through his teeth. She was  _ pretty- _ not as pretty as Cindy, of course, since Cindy was the most beautiful person on  _ any  _ Earth and planet. Her hair was dyed blond and pulled back into a ponytail, and strapped to her back (and  _ that  _ couldn’t have been practical. There was just no way) was a large yellow staff with a curved top. She was wearing some sort of body armor (it was nighttime-all Cisco could tell was that it was darkly colored) with combat boots and a mask.

Definitely a Collector, then.

Cisco just hoped that she wasn’t about to use that nasty-looking staff to kill him in some sort of novel and painful way.

“I’m Stargirl,” the Collector said shortly.

Before Cisco’s brain could catch up with his mouth, he said, “That’s a terrible name. Who names you people? At least ‘Charmer’ makes some sense.”

‘Stargirl’ stomped her foot. “I know it’s a stupid name, okay? I didn’t pick it.” She glared. “If Cindy weren’t in danger, I would bring you in. And it’s  _ your  _ fault she’s in danger in the first place.”

Cisco crossed his arms and scowled at her as Stargirl eyed him up and down. “What?”

“I don’t see the attraction,” she admitted. “I mean, you’re cute and all I guess, but you’re not worth crossing dimensions and risking death for.”

“Maybe Cindy sees something in me that you don’t,” Cisco argued, although he couldn’t deny the sick feeling in his stomach that told him that Stargirl was right about one thing-it was Cisco’s fault that Cindy was in this situation in the first place. If they hadn’t started dating, then her supervisors wouldn’t be planning her execution.

Stargirl shook her head and sighed. “I’m going to get in so much trouble for this,” she groaned. “But Cindy’s my friend. I can’t let her die.”

* * *

Cindy was intimately familiar with death.

She’d killed plenty of people before. She hadn’t been lying to Cisco when she said that her Collection record was flawless-she just hadn’t mentioned that throughout almost all of those (not quite all, but still-most) she had either been authorized to use lethal force or been challenged to fight for someone’s honor or safety.

She had almost died hundreds of times before.  _ Almost. _

But this-but this-

She didn’t want to die. Cindy had stared death right in the face more than once. She had almost died a hundred different times for a hundred different reasons. It wasn’t anything new. And if Amanda Waller was going to be there, watching her die (firing squad, most likely, since she was a Collector), then she would face it with honor and bravery. Of course she would.

“Cindy?”

Cindy didn’t look up. Maybe it was another Collector coming to visit her. Tatsu hadn’t stopped by yet. But that hadn’t sounded like Tatsu, or Simon, or Ralph, or anybody else who hadn’t stopped by to see her yet before her death tonight. In fact, it had almost sounded like it had been-no. Cisco wasn’t here. She was just making things up, trying to think of ways to go back to the man she loved.

Cisco wasn’t coming for her. And he was better off for it.

“Cindy?”

Cindy covered her ears. Dammit, there was  _ definitely  _ someone calling her name, and it  _ definitely  _ sounded like Cisco, and it  _ definitely  _ felt like it was his vibrations ringing through her bones and waking something inside her, and it  _ definitely  _ looked like that was  _ Cisco  _ running toward her at top speed, Courtney trailing behind him with her staff glowing and at the ready-

“Cisco!” Cindy yelled, pressing her hands up against the glass of her cell.

Cisco pushed his palms up in the same place, bumping his forehead against the prison with a hopeful smile on his face. “Cindy,” he breathed. “You’re  _ okay.” _

This had to be a dream, or a vibe of a possible timeline-but there was none of that saturation, and it felt too  _ real  _ to be a dream, and-“You’re here,” Cindy whispered, before her stomach dropped. “You have to go. You have to get out of here. If Waller catches you here, she’ll kill you.”

“Who cares about that?” Cisco dismissed, and Cindy’s heart froze. No. Now wasn’t the time to talk about this, but when they got home-when they got back to Cisco’s earth, they were going to talk about it. Over coffee and blankets and pillows and the far superior movies on Cisco’s world. “You’re going to die if I don’t get you out of this. Is there a keypad, or…?”

“No,” Cindy said, shoulders slowly slumping as Cisco took a step back and looked around, trying to find a way to open the tubelike cell without hurting his girlfriend. “No, it’s rigged so only Waller, Associate Director Gunn, or Montgomery can open it. If you try, an alarm will sound. My powers can’t open it from the inside, so I don’t think yours can from the outside, either.”

“I am  _ not  _ leaving you here,” Cisco growled. “I just got here after hauling my ass all the way over to Earth-19 and getting attacked by your  _ very  _ protective friend over there, who’s been giving me the shovel talk practically the whole time. Do you  _ know  _ how many security measures I had to disable on my way over? It’s lucky I don’t show up on security cameras. I’m not leaving you behind. I  _ love  _ you, Cynthia Reynolds.”

Cindy gaped at him, eyes burning as she swallowed back the lump in her throat and closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. Courtney shot her a small approving glance from where she was standing guard, eyes flickering from Cindy to Cisco and then back again with a little nod. Well, at least Cisco’s speech had earned her approval.

Cisco didn’t know when he had started crying, but he hastily wiped the tears off of his cheeks. “Now, let’s get you out of this cell.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Alina Serban](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CUBrhltXAAIqU_r.jpg) is my ideal Cindy fancast!


End file.
